People look at me odd sometimes when I say that my daughter is actually our sixth child and that we have our seventh child on the way. They look at me funny because they do not see 6 little children running around our house or do not see a 15-passenger van parked in the driveway.
If you’ve read much of my blog here, you know that my wife and I have experienced 4 miscarriages, losing 5 children. Okay, so I know, I didn’t have the miscarriages – my wife is the one that had to physically go through this. I did what I could to be there, ease her pain and walk her through the days, weeks and months that would come.
Because of my faith, and well, actually other reasons, I believe that each miscarriage my wife had – no matter how early – we lost a child – that we now have 5 children waiting for us in heaven. Our human minds think of the children we have lost up there being taken care of by our grandparents. I suppose it helps with the loss in our minds.
So what did we do after the miscarriages – how did life go on afterwards? Well, in one regard, that was just it – life goes on. Now, I don’t mean that you shouldn’t take time to grieve, etc. You should. You need time to deal with the loss you have experienced. And honestly, you have to decide what that is gonna look like.
Husbands – your job is to just be there for your wife. You aren’t going to know how to fix the hurt she is feeling. Your job is to just be there for her. She is going to be hurting emotionally and probably physically. Take care of her. Get through it together.
Some people say that they name the babies they’ve lost. We never did that, just because that wasn’t us and we weren’t that far along in the pregnancies either. Not saying it’s a bad thing, it is just something we never did. Some will have more permanent reminders as well – a stocking at Christmas, their names painted somewhere, reminders on what should have been their birthdays, etc.
I guess we were bad in this regard as I don’t remember when each birthday should have been. I guess my point in all of this is you have to work through it however is best for you, but never forget that child that you lost. My wife and I think about our children all the time – what they would have looked like, what their personalities would have been, what they would have grown up to be.
Don’t forget. What you went through was real. Talk about them. Love them. Cling to your spouse and family and work your way through it how you see best because only you know to do it and know what is best!