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The Heavy Truth…and a New Low Point

This one is a tough story to tell.  You may wonder what it has to do with fatherhood or dads or kids – I’ll get to that.

The reason I first started this blog was to have an outlet – to be able to share mine and my wife’s story through all the infertility issues and then through parenthood.  This story has been interwoven in there all along the way as well.  Take a look at this picture:

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This was me, and my family of course, at my heaviest weight of 361 pounds!

3…6…1.

Several things about that. I never told anyone – and I mean anyone what I weighed.  For that matter, one of my previous doctors offices wasn’t even for sure what I weighed because their scale didn’t go above 250.  I laughed the first time I walked in there and the nurse asked me to step on – I said, I know I’m over that!  I was actually inspired by an old college friend that is on a weight loss journey himself right now and has posted his numbers.  It’s hard for me to put those numbers up there,but it’s a reality and one I can’t hide behind anymore.

I never even told my wife what I weighed.  I didn’t want her to know the number. She always told me she never cared about my size; she wasn’t concerned about the number.  I remember her saying that, “I better stick around”. She loved me for who I was, not what I looked like and I believed that.

About 55lbs down.

About 55lbs down.

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Today at 278!

I had dieted before. Many times. Failed many times. Before the birth of our oldest daughter I had gone on a diet, lost somewhere in the neighborhood of 80 pounds only to gain it all back.  I went to the doctor recently – my numbers were all out of whack – high blood pressure, cholesterol, and type 2 diabetes. I knew it was coming.  It’s like anything in life – you play with fire long enough, you’re bound to get burned. I decided that day things had to change.  I would have to change the way I was eating. I would have to lose some weight and plan to keep it off this time.  That was November 14, 2013. As of today, I weighed in at 278.  I can not remember the last time I saw a number that low on a scale! I bet if I got my hair cut I could drop a couple extra pounds too!

Someone asked me today what keeps me on this way of eating and I really didn’t have a clear cut answer.  All of the health issues certainly. Seeing the results that I was having as you can see in this picture was part of it as well.  I had tried to fool myself for too long that I was okay with being fat – that I was comfortable in my own skin, this was who I was and I’ll just be a big guy for the rest of my life.  I always had plenty of jokes to cover things up.  I finally had to make a decision for myself that I was going to do it and make a change for myself. Of course, all of the health issues did up the ante for me a little.

My Girls!

My Girls!

Ultimately, the real reason for doing it came down to something bigger than myself – geez, did I really just type that!  Everyone says that you must do something like this for yourself and that is true.  Only you can decide to do something like this – to change the way you are eating, to turn your entire life upside down, and to fight a constant battle every day. In the end, the decision was about me, but it was about those three in that pic over there. Liz’s words of “make sure you stick around” rang in my ears.

This is where the fatherhood, the manhood, issue comes in. It was time for a change. It wasn’t about me anymore.  I had a wife and two little girls that were counting on me for so much.  There was no food in this world that was more important than them.   I want to be able to do all the things I’m supposed to be able to do as a dad and not have to give excuses that my feet hurt, or I’m tired, or daddy can’t do that because he’s too fat!  I’ve still got a long road to go to reach my goal weight and then the journey of simply keeping it off.  I think this time I’ve finally found the motivation to do it.  I hope by sharing just a little of my story it my help someone else who might be struggling!

 

 

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I’d Rather Be…

Today has been one of those days.

Left work early.

Dealt with plumbing issues at home.

Doctored on sick little girl and sick wife.

Made an ER trip.

Now I’m sitting here – everyone else is asleep, and I thought I’d have a little blogging therapy.  Our oldest little girl seems to have some sort of virus and we simply got worried about her, so we decided to take her to the ER – by this point everything else was closed.  Turned out everything was fine – just gotta let it run it’s course.

As I was walking out, I was admiring the weather and thinking I’d rather be fishing right now. I was even thinking about it on the ride home.  I’ll admit I’ve been doing more fishing lately than I’ve done in the last 10 years and I’ve really been enjoying myself, but that’s a topic for another day!

Then it hit me – no, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else right now. I’m getting to (try) take care of things at my house for my family, getting to take care of my daughter while she is sick as well as my wife while it appears she is getting sick.  Sure, I get huffy and flustered at dealing with clogged toilets and trying to decide whether we need to make a trip to the ER, but this is where I belong and there’s no place I’d rather be.

Oh, and by the way, you guessed it – stomach virus + plumbing troubles = bad, bad combination!

 

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Away Too Long…

How many times have other people posted this?  How many times have I posted this?

Ugh…I have not posted here in over a year.  I plan to change that. Well, of course, I am, I’m writing this now, you’re reading this…the real proof will be next week, next month, I suppose.

The typical “life has gotten in the way” is my excuse. My wife and I are basically are opposite schedules right now and have been for the last year. It has definitely proven difficult at times. Raising two little girls with this schedule has had it’s struggles as well.

We now have a 3 year old and a 20 month old (yes, I’m still counting the months – she’s almost 2!).  We’ve gotten involved in dance, which was an adventure! Now we are into gymnastics for the summer.  She absolutely loves it.  However, little sister doesn’t like it when big sister is gone.

Hope all is well with you my readers – looking forward to posting more and keeping up with this!

 
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Posted by on May 13, 2014 in Baby, Infertility, Parenting, Rambles

 

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The UnWorthey Blogger…

ImageI feel like I shouldn’t even be on this page – not sure I even recognize it.  Boy, has life ever “gotten in the way”, and I don’t really mean that in a bad way.  I know it happens to everyone.  

My wife and I have been chasing a toddler, taking care of an infant – now mobile little girl -we have moved to another state and are trying to find some time in between all that to exhale.

Needless to say that my blog here has been sorely neglected in all that time, and I really want to get back to keeping it up to date.  So I guess more than anything this is an apologetic, hopefully rebirth of my blog here.  I definitely have some things to talk about!

So to all my regulars – thanks for sticking around.  For all the new ones I gain, thanks for stopping by!

 
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Posted by on March 24, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Life After Miscarriage

People look at me odd sometimes when I say that my daughter is actually our sixth child and that we have our seventh child on the way.  They look at me funny because they do not see 6 little children running around our house or do not see a 15-passenger van parked in the driveway.

If you’ve read much of my blog here, you know that my wife and I have experienced 4 miscarriages, losing 5 children.  Okay, so I know, I didn’t have the miscarriages – my wife is the one that had to physically go through this.  I did what I could to be there, ease her pain and walk her through the days, weeks and months that would come.

Because of my faith, and well, actually other reasons, I believe that each miscarriage my wife had – no matter how early – we lost a child – that we now have 5 children waiting for us in heaven.  Our human minds think of the children we have lost up there being taken care of by our grandparents.  I suppose it helps with the loss in our minds.

So what did we do after the miscarriages – how did life go on afterwards?  Well, in one regard, that was just it – life goes on.  Now, I don’t mean that you shouldn’t take time to grieve, etc.  You should.  You need time to deal with the loss you have experienced.  And honestly, you have to decide what that is gonna look like.

Husbands – your job is to just be there for your wife.  You aren’t going to know how to fix the hurt she is feeling.  Your job is to just be there for her.  She is going to be hurting emotionally and probably physically.  Take care of her.  Get through it together.

Some people say that they name the babies they’ve lost.  We never did that, just because that wasn’t us and we weren’t that far along in the pregnancies either.  Not saying it’s a bad thing, it is just something we never did.  Some will have more permanent reminders as well – a stocking at Christmas, their names painted somewhere, reminders on what should have been their birthdays, etc.

I guess we were bad in this regard as I don’t remember when each birthday should have been.  I guess my point in all of this is you have to work through it however is best for you, but never forget that child that you lost.  My wife and I think about our children all the time – what they would have looked like, what their personalities would have been, what they would have grown up to be.

Don’t forget.  What you went through was real.  Talk about them.  Love them.  Cling to your spouse and family and work your way through it how you see best because only you know to do it and know what is best!

 

 
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Posted by on August 5, 2012 in Baby, Infertility, Parenting, Rambles

 

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What to do before you’re a parent

Brian:

Great advice! Every parent needs to read this!

Originally posted on Instinctive Parenting:

I remember when I was pregnant with my first baby being bombarded with these lists of baby essentials that I just had to have.  Every list had different ideas on what was essential, and wanting to be the best mother and believing I needed all this “stuff” I bought it all.

And some of it was very handy.  She loved her bouncer and her play mat.  The pram and carrier got plenty of use.  Wraps, clothes, and when she switched to formula the bottles and the steriliser.  The highchair also got use when she began solids.  But the baby bath sat in the box, the mountain of toys went untouched until after her first birthday, fancy outfits with frills and bows were left in favour of onesies and simple shirts and shorts.

Then our second came along.  He wore lovely hand me down clothes, his bouncer, highchair, cot, pram and carrier were…

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Posted by on July 31, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Second Child Syndrome

It is a little over 7 1/2 weeks until we will be welcoming DD #2 into our family.  If you had told me that my family would double in size in less than 2  years, I’d say you were crazy!  But yet, here we are only 50-something days before going into the hospital again for the birth of a child.

The emotions are definitely different for a second child – well, they are for us.  I don’t know how it is for other folks.  When it took almost 10 years before my wife got pregnant and well, stayed pregnant, and then finding out she is pregnant just 11 months later we were in a state of shock.  We have been for quite a while now!

There are days that I already feel like I have shorted or slighted Olivia.  We haven’t taken pictures of putting together all the furniture for her room, or taken near as many pictures of a pregnant belly, or really half the things we did for the first one!  Now, I understand, as many people have pointed out, we are busy taken care of a toddler – so our brain is there.  Honestly, I think we didn’t think we would have another child, much less so easily.  So that’s what went into all the pictures and everything!

Don’t get me wrong – we don’t love our second one any less as I’m sure no parent does, but I think going in the relationship is different.  Maybe I’m just still in shock.  To get Maddy here, took work I guess you could say – Olivia was a total surprise so the reactions are different.  Maybe that should be my word of choice instead of relationship – reaction, our reaction to the idea of another child.

Any one else feel this way?

 
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Posted by on July 23, 2012 in Uncategorized

 
 
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